Kinder and Gentler

Yesterday, that blog was definitely not kinder and gentler, but fairness and justice matter alot to me. That is why I am a Republitarian, but that is for another post.

For years, I reacted to even the smallest disappointment with anger and frustration. We are talking when someone isn't driving fast enough, and I am not late for anything, just 'in my way.' Perhaps I am still like that a little bit, but I am definitively now kinder and gentler. And I am a happier person for it. My law practice works better because I am more understandings and less 'lawyer like,' people never expect it. Kill em with kindness. That being said, oddly enough, in my political life I was ALWAYS patient and able to deal with any disappointment or others doing their thing with equanimity and peace. Mostly because I always ultimately was a scheming son of a bitch and able to outmaneouver other people.

Anyway, I had been praying for years for the Lord to take this burden of intolerance and anger from my heart. One day, last fall, sitting in church, listening to a sermon from our new very young Pastor, I was struck with the fullness of my life. I had meaning in different areas, I could fly above the clouds and see the world from a differnet perspective, I had a woman and a child who loved me and gave value and meaning and validation to my feelings. I realized that my burden was like a sack of bricks, and all I needed to do, was set it down. Feeling the richness of my life, seeing the beauty of the world, and the gifts from God we experience every day, I saw all I needed to do was take the load, and set it down. And I did.

Here I am months later, and while I can still get frustrated I do not get angry any longer. Others have seen my change and see it as 'losing weight' [which in a way it was], or a new haircut, or hair style, or some other external change. I know what happened that day and realized all I needed to do was stop. To relax and enjoy the life, the challenges, the successes and failures the Lord has set before me. I know that every success, every failure, every challenge, builds our character and enriches our soul. The human interactions depict and even shape who we are. Call it Karma. or being a Christian, or whatever, but this prayer was answered, in a way never really thought of. Thank you Lord for the strength to set down my burden.