Friendship

it is hard for a man to make a good friend. Men are strange creatures; we are hard to get to know and harder still to make friends. I have had perhaps one good friend in my life. I have no good male friends now. Part of that problem is me, part of that problem is men in general. I've had and have several good friends, but no close friends. I have tried to take the male friendship to the next level, in terms of being close in a male bonding sort of way, but men usually rebuff that at some level. I suppose I am not an easy person to deal with either, being intelligent, opinionated, having a breadth of knowledge if not in fact a depth of knowledge. I think part of it comes from my high school days, which is the source of all angst for adults I think.

In high school I ws not in a clique. I could have been in the brainiac nerd clicque, but I was a athletic and liked to party. I could talk to girls too. I could have been a jock and in the popular clicque but I was too kind hearted to be popular and sit around and watch my nerd friends be teased mercilessly. The jocks for the most part were too stupid to even consider hanging around with. This seems to carry forward to adulthood at some strange level. Guys who are workaholics I just don't get; they are missing something just as much as the bums, drunks and the lazy. Guys into sports bore me too, which is why I say that I am part of hte problem. Perhaps the fact that I played sports at a AAA level makes watching them boring as hell. I am just not into all the little details of some team I am not playing on, I mean who really cares? I want to see team play, martinez is sleeping with tyrone's wife and her sister, none of my business.

I get my interest from intellectual discussions about serious topics, and humor, which, once again, makes me an interesting man according to most guys wives that I know. Interesting, attractive in that way that some people have of not really giving a damn what others think about them. I have my crazy mother to blame or thank for that part of my personality.

So, I know many people, few of which are my friends. As I get older I see the inevitable that I may have women as friends. Most men lack the emotional complexity that I find interesting. Sitting around talking about last nights game that I likely did not watch is not stimulating to me - and going to someones house to have fake male bonding time watching two teams play some sport that I make not like and certainly am not following seems just a little silly.

I suppose I need to not be so damn serious all the time, but thats where I find my humor too. A strange man. Perhaps I need to change the name of my blog. But, another friday night and I sit here alone, my spouse asleep as she usually is by 9pm. Wondering what is going on out there in the world. The weather is so damn miserable around here all the f'in' time, so I can't even go out for a walk or spend time outside.